Sunday Funnies; Volume 133.

Men Are Just Happier People



NICKNAMES

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, D!ckhead and Sh!t for Brains.



EATING OUT

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.



MONEY

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.



BATHROOMS

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.



ARGUMENTS

• A woman has the last word in any argument.

• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.



FUTURE

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.



SUCCESS

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.



MARRIAGE

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.



DRESSING UP

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.



NATURAL

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.



OFFSPRING

• Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.





THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!