Sunday Funnies; Volume 113

A Mother's Dictionary


Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.



Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.



Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.



Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.



Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster



Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.



Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.



Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.



Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.



Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.



Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.



Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.



Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.



Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.



Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.



Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.



Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.



Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.



Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.



Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.



Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.



Verbal: Able to whine in words



Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.



Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."