Sunday Funnies; Volume 47.

WORST FIRST DATE STORY EVER > > If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when> you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or> not!!! > > > We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. > Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date> that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.> There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! > > She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken> her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah. > > It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had> never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they> were headed home late that afternoon. > > They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to> realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an> hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her> companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. > > Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point> where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road,> or it would be in the front seat of his car. > > They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants> down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let> her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood> on > the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and> refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt> despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. > > Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she> bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were> firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles> immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the> icy metal. > > It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme> cold. > > Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she> answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply> that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!> > > He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and> then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She> too, got the giggles and > when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.> Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a> real problem. > > Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the> grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the> predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only> one way to get > her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to> unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. > > As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands> down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. > > 'And you thought your first date was embarrassing' was Jay Leno's comment...> 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.' > > Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was> sitting next to her on the Leno show. > (Actually, I have a "first [and last] date" story that tops this one. I'll get it together for next Sunday.)