My first hand report of Friday's Citizens' Advisory Board meeting.

Well, I went to the high noon meeting of the St. Marys Citizens' Advisory Board today. Upon my entering the room, I observed that it was set up with a long table for the board over by the windows, then and L shaped arrangement of tables for guests and observers. Noticing that it would have required moving a table to let me get to the back side of the guest tables, member Cookie Johnson motioned for me to sit at a much more accessible and vacant seat down on her end of the board table. Before the meeting got started, all of the members made a point of cordially introducing themselves, shaking my hand and thanking me for coming. That is, all but the Rev. A. Kearns who pointly kept her seat at the other end of the table and did not greet me. That would be the same Rev. A. Kearns who said, in print, that I was too much of a coward to attend one of their meetings. When the meeting started, the chair asked that all members introduce themselves. She then asked all guests to introduce themselves. I'm sure I'll miss one or two of the guests, but they included SMPD Chief, Tim Hatch, St. Marys City Manager, Bill Shanahan, St. Marys Public Works Director, Bobby Marr, the St. Marys Code Enforcement Officer, whose name escapes me, mayoral candidate Tom Cyphers, husband of City Councilwoman Weaver, Royal Weaver (who was doing his best to give me the stink eye - presumably for my comments about the "odd name" article - but succeeded only in looking like a constipated, bedragled, Smurf with a squint rather than fearsome), city council candidate, John Morissey, Mayor Eskridge, and some anonymous coward, about whom more later. After dispensing with the Robert's houskeeping chores, they came to the matter of the board's recommendations on changes to the 3rd draft of the proposed "Shipshape Community" ordinance. There is a complete copy of all twelve pages earlier on this blog. Almost immediately, the mayor chimed in. He pointed out to them, in a somewhat scolding tone, that he had fielded quite a few phonecalls from concerned citizens about this. He said that he thought that the board had misunderstood their mission and was overstepping their bounds and getting needlessly bogged down in a matter which was way outside their bailiwick and rightly belonged to the Property Committee. Cookie Jonhson and some snarky woman jumped right back, informing the mayor that they did not come looking for the task; rather, they had been asked to do it. They would not reveal then who asked them nor later when I asked them pointedly. Chief Hatch, who has some sort of supervisory role over these people which makes no sense to me and is way unclear, then read off a list of things he had problems with. He particularly had a problem with their stated goals (as seen in their first T&G PSA I brought to y'all's attention) and the encouragement to the public to engage in "community activism." Rev. Kearns promptly attempted to deflect that objection by making a motion to drop the word "activism." That did not satisfy the chief. He wanted more extensive revisions to their stated goals to make it crystal clear that they - and the public - would understand that theirs was strictly an advisory role to the elected mayor and council, as Mayor Eskridge had said moments earlier. After some huffing of the "But y'all asked us to - and this is the thanks we get!?" nature, one member made the motion that they just drop the issue immediately and speak not one more word about the ordinance as a group. Someone else chimed in that rather than waste all of their hours of consideration of same, indiviudal members might make suggestions as individuals at the meeting of the Property Committee to discuss said ordinance at 4:00 this coming Monday. That motion passed unanimously. Then came the public comments section. I made the comment that now that their mission had been clarified as , essentially, " A garden club on steroids with enhanced access to city council." Well, at that point, some old, snarky gal on the board who had obviosuly been itching to give me hell, jumped all over me, tellng me that no, it was not, then persisted, like the nag from hell, to talk over me and attempt to drown me out. I finally told her, "Look lady, you know damned well that's what it is, or was intended to be." She shut up. At any rate, I went on to try to ascertain who it was that had actually asked them to weigh in on the ordinance. Dead silence. They are either full of it, or, far more likely, they are protecting whoever it was. I believe that they were asked by someone, but as Mayor Eskridge pointed out, it certainly did not happen at any council meeting where he was present. Anyway, I pointed out that in the minutes of their last meeting, they stated that they had obtained clarification that they were, in fact, entitled and authorized to print whatever they wanted to in the paper or air anything they wanted to on radio, without the express permission of a damned soul in city government, much less the mayor and council. When I pressed them for who, exactly, had given them that permission, I again was met with stone silence. I note at this point that Bill Shanahan said nothing whatsoever during the entire meeting (save warning me). I pointed out, in conclusion, that an example of the kind of thing I thought they ought to be working on was the two median strips on Colerain on either side of St. Marys Road - a project (irrigation system and wildflowers) that has had several false starts and dragged on for over a year. The snarky, bitchy woman said, "Well, I'll have you know, Mr. Moreno, that Bobby Marr and I were out there looking at that just yesterday." I was through ..until one of the male members ( the same guy, I believe, who had derisively suggested in an e-mail y'all saw that the board should try to ascertain my "opinions on apple pie and motherhood") , engaged me in a civil conversation (or so I thought - turns out he was the straight guy in the set up), ostensibly to clarify his understanding of my position on the board's "right" to publish independently of the city council. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. His accomplice, the trigger man, was the aforemetioned anonymous coward who was sitting at the L-shaped table just behind me. The straight man carefully manuevered the conversation to a point where, as planned, he could ask, "So, is it really your opinion that we should have to ask the council's permision before we publish anything as a board?" My response was, "Yes, exactly." That was the cowardly hit man's cue. He immediately burst into loud, uproarious laughter just behind my back. I whirled my chair around, rolled up in front of him and asked pointledly, "And who, Sirrah, might you be?" He smirked and replied "Just another citizen who thinks you are a fool - and a funny one!" I replied forcefully, "Go fuck yourself, you son-of-a-bitch!" He quickly quit laughing and shut the hell up. So much for that "coward" thing, eh, Reverend? There was dead silence. Of course, all of the men in the room, for sure, the Southerners anyway, knew that he had that and the serious ass whupping he would have gotten had he pulled that crap six-years ago, coming to him. Shanahan broke the silence ( by that time I had already turned back around to my table) by saying to me, "Sir,we can't have that kind of language. If it happens again, I'll have the police in here." Chief Hatch, who was sitting right beside him, said not a word until he smiled and said "Have a good day, Mr. Moreno. See you next time," as he was holding the door open for me after the meeting. Obviosuly, Hatch knows the meaning of "baiting," "provocation," and the "fighting words" doctrine in law. Oh, for the old days when it would have been well worth the fine to send that cowardly son-of-a-bitch to intensive care! So, the CAB is out of the ordinance writing business. However, I would encourage all citizens concerned about the seemingly Draconian nature of some of the provisons of the proposed "Shipshape Community" ordinance to try to make it to Monday's 4:00 P.M. meeting of the Property Committee and then the 6:00 PM city council meeting where the Property Committee's final recommended draft will be presented to the council for consideration. I'll see you there. Oh, by the way, I would be remiss in not pointing out that if there was one member of that board who actually had a clear understanding of what their mission was, and should have been from day one, and that they had no business "tweaking" an ordinance, it was a lady named Penny Rewis. As you might expect, when she took the side of the mayor and Chief Hatch, the remainder of the board immediately gave her grief. She's a keeper - if we need this "board" at all. I think the same function could be accomplished much more efficiently and knowledgeably by a literal, well established, local garden club with many years of combined knowledge of what will and will not grow here.