Bananas and Monkeys
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Original source unknown. (But the story appears to have some basis in fact.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Start with a cage containing five monkeys.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.
After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done round here.
And that, my friends, is how company policies are made.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Return to Jim Huggins' Humor Page
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Bank account for friends of Cathy Gentry.
I have established a bank account to accept donations from folks to help Cathy Gentry, co-owner of Aunt B's, obtain additional physical therapy on her road to recovery from the stroke she suffered at work in January.
If you would like to help Cathy, e-mail me at jaymor@tds.net so that I can give you the bank and the account number.
Future fundraising events will be announced soon in the Tribune and Georgian. Watch for them.
Thank you.
Jay Moreno
If you would like to help Cathy, e-mail me at jaymor@tds.net so that I can give you the bank and the account number.
Future fundraising events will be announced soon in the Tribune and Georgian. Watch for them.
Thank you.
Jay Moreno
Friday, July 29, 2011
Bored with breakfast?
Me too. So I whipped up this new recipe. Try it: you'll like it.
Go to Walmart. Enter on the grocery side. Just to the right, in front of the deli, there is a small refrigerated gondola. Pick up a 4 0z. package of Athenos fetta cheese with sun-dried tomatoes and basil.
Now, go to produce and pick up a Roma tomato and a bunch of fresh parsley
Now go back to spices and pick up some ground paprika.
Now got o the aisle where the pickles are. Pick up a small can of chopped, ripe olives and a bottle of capers.
You will also need eggs and unsalted real butter.
Preparation.
For one omelette:
Put a ten inch omelette pan on medium heat with one pat of butter in it.
Whisk two whole eggs with one teaspoon of paprika added. Pour into pan.
On a cutting board , dice tomato. Place two ounces (half of container) of fetta cheese onto board. On top of cheese, add one tablespoon of chopped olives and one teaspoon of capers. Gently fold everything together.
Once eggs are hard enough, place mixture from cutting board on eggs about 1/4 of distance from one edge of pan. Fold remeainer of eggs over filling. Turn heat down to low for about 5 minutes to warm mixture. Bottom of eggs should be golden brown. Garnish with a little chopped parsley and serve.
Serve with two generously buttered, toasted English muffin halves.
Outstanding!
Go to Walmart. Enter on the grocery side. Just to the right, in front of the deli, there is a small refrigerated gondola. Pick up a 4 0z. package of Athenos fetta cheese with sun-dried tomatoes and basil.
Now, go to produce and pick up a Roma tomato and a bunch of fresh parsley
Now go back to spices and pick up some ground paprika.
Now got o the aisle where the pickles are. Pick up a small can of chopped, ripe olives and a bottle of capers.
You will also need eggs and unsalted real butter.
Preparation.
For one omelette:
Put a ten inch omelette pan on medium heat with one pat of butter in it.
Whisk two whole eggs with one teaspoon of paprika added. Pour into pan.
On a cutting board , dice tomato. Place two ounces (half of container) of fetta cheese onto board. On top of cheese, add one tablespoon of chopped olives and one teaspoon of capers. Gently fold everything together.
Once eggs are hard enough, place mixture from cutting board on eggs about 1/4 of distance from one edge of pan. Fold remeainer of eggs over filling. Turn heat down to low for about 5 minutes to warm mixture. Bottom of eggs should be golden brown. Garnish with a little chopped parsley and serve.
Serve with two generously buttered, toasted English muffin halves.
Outstanding!
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Folks, we may well have a problem.
Mr. Slate
Police Complaint Center
admin@policeabuse.com
Mr. Greg Slate,
I am sending you this to ensure the complete message goes through, I was unsure if there was enough space on your website. Once again thank you for everything you have done.
On May 19, 2010 my wife and I went to her doctor’s appt. When we walked through the door they had the food network on and my wife asked them to shut it off or change the channel. She has issues with her stomach and can't handle the raw food. That is why we were at the doctors. The nurse said no, and told us if we didn't like it we could wait outside. So we went outside. When the nurse came out to get us, she called my wife by the wrong name, and my wife corrected her. Now there is a history with this nurse, she violated my wife's HIPPA rights, and was let go when the doctor moved his practice. When the doctor was looking for more help, we begged him not to hire her, but he did anyway and promised we would not have any problems. When we got back into the room the nurse was being a smart ass, so I called her a smart ass, and that is when she turned from walking out the door and started charging at me. I fell into the corner of the exam room and tripped over a chair, and then the nurse went after my wife. Then as I was getting up a second nurse came running in and started hitting my wife. By the time I got to my feet both nurse had my wife flat on her back hitting her. Oh I forgot to mention that my wife had back surgery that was botched back in 2003. She has two steel rods in her back. My wife had two handfuls of hair and was pulling as hard as a 95 pound woman could pull. When I got to the pile the doctor was already there and I yelled at him to get those fucking bitches off of my wife. They all got up and left the room. I immediately called 911, no one else in that office did. I then called a second time and requested an ambulance. We sat in the room until the cops arrived. Officer Hamlett came into the room and didn’t say a word, a minute later Officer Riggle came charging in to the room and stepped over my wife and told me to stand up and he grabbed my arms, slapped cuffs on me, and picked me up and slammed me into the chair. I asked him if I could make a statement and he told me to sit there and shut up. As we sat there another few minutes a man went running down the hall. Officer Hamlett asked me who was that, I said I don’t know. He went briefly out the door and returned less than 30 seconds later and said it was some guy from Charlton County Sheriff’s Office, and I said oh that is the nurses’ husband amazing how he got here so fast. (Charlton County is one county over from Camden the one I live in) I could here the Deputy from another county through the walls and he was yelling at officer Riggle to arrest us now. During all of that the ambulance arrived and took my wife to the hospital. She was later cleared to be transported to the jail. And also was transported to the Camden County Substation in Kingsland. When I arrived at the substation Officer Albertie asked me what my relationship with Bob Godley was. I thought that was an odd question for someone to ask me when I had no idea who officer Albertie was. I asked him several times why he asked that question, and he refused to answer. About 10:30 PM I was transported to the Camden County Jail. I was place in a holding cell with 4 or 5 other people and a puddle of pee all over the floor. I complained several times to please have the pee cleaned up and all officers refused. I even got into a yelling match with one officer at about 3:00 pm on May 20, 2010. He told me it was not his job to clean up after the inmates. When I request a form to speak to the Sheriff about this problem one officer finally brought a trustee to clean it up and my form to speak with the Sheriff. After 18 hours in a holding cell I was taken back to the main jail. Later the next day I was released.
One, and I have many, complaint I have today is when I look at the police report, the report was done in first person format. Meaning the officer that wrote it said “I talked to and I did this and I did that” Well in the police report Officer Hamlett said that he talked to the nurses and that is not true he never left my side except to find out who ran down the hall. Officer Riggle was the one that talked to the nurses and he is the one that got all the information. So Officer Hamlett never mentions Riggle in the report at all. Now Bob Godley is important because he used to be a County Sheriff who was fired when the new Sheriff took over, because of what I found out about Godley’s employment history. Bob Godley and Officer Riggle worked together at the Sheriff’s Office and at the City of St. Marys, they are good friends. When Godley was fired he worked for a police dept. in Folkston and worked directly with the deputy that showed up on the scene.
Godley also posted a thread on Topix Kingsland less than an hour after my arrest, and then months later after I said that would be used in court, he paid Topix to have his posts removed. But I have most of them, and Topix will provide the rest. In these posts he talked about getting me arrested, and saying he told me he would do. Another posts states “there is a new sheriff in town and he started before 2012.”
Rick Rogers
Police Complaint Center
admin@policeabuse.com
Mr. Greg Slate,
I am sending you this to ensure the complete message goes through, I was unsure if there was enough space on your website. Once again thank you for everything you have done.
On May 19, 2010 my wife and I went to her doctor’s appt. When we walked through the door they had the food network on and my wife asked them to shut it off or change the channel. She has issues with her stomach and can't handle the raw food. That is why we were at the doctors. The nurse said no, and told us if we didn't like it we could wait outside. So we went outside. When the nurse came out to get us, she called my wife by the wrong name, and my wife corrected her. Now there is a history with this nurse, she violated my wife's HIPPA rights, and was let go when the doctor moved his practice. When the doctor was looking for more help, we begged him not to hire her, but he did anyway and promised we would not have any problems. When we got back into the room the nurse was being a smart ass, so I called her a smart ass, and that is when she turned from walking out the door and started charging at me. I fell into the corner of the exam room and tripped over a chair, and then the nurse went after my wife. Then as I was getting up a second nurse came running in and started hitting my wife. By the time I got to my feet both nurse had my wife flat on her back hitting her. Oh I forgot to mention that my wife had back surgery that was botched back in 2003. She has two steel rods in her back. My wife had two handfuls of hair and was pulling as hard as a 95 pound woman could pull. When I got to the pile the doctor was already there and I yelled at him to get those fucking bitches off of my wife. They all got up and left the room. I immediately called 911, no one else in that office did. I then called a second time and requested an ambulance. We sat in the room until the cops arrived. Officer Hamlett came into the room and didn’t say a word, a minute later Officer Riggle came charging in to the room and stepped over my wife and told me to stand up and he grabbed my arms, slapped cuffs on me, and picked me up and slammed me into the chair. I asked him if I could make a statement and he told me to sit there and shut up. As we sat there another few minutes a man went running down the hall. Officer Hamlett asked me who was that, I said I don’t know. He went briefly out the door and returned less than 30 seconds later and said it was some guy from Charlton County Sheriff’s Office, and I said oh that is the nurses’ husband amazing how he got here so fast. (Charlton County is one county over from Camden the one I live in) I could here the Deputy from another county through the walls and he was yelling at officer Riggle to arrest us now. During all of that the ambulance arrived and took my wife to the hospital. She was later cleared to be transported to the jail. And also was transported to the Camden County Substation in Kingsland. When I arrived at the substation Officer Albertie asked me what my relationship with Bob Godley was. I thought that was an odd question for someone to ask me when I had no idea who officer Albertie was. I asked him several times why he asked that question, and he refused to answer. About 10:30 PM I was transported to the Camden County Jail. I was place in a holding cell with 4 or 5 other people and a puddle of pee all over the floor. I complained several times to please have the pee cleaned up and all officers refused. I even got into a yelling match with one officer at about 3:00 pm on May 20, 2010. He told me it was not his job to clean up after the inmates. When I request a form to speak to the Sheriff about this problem one officer finally brought a trustee to clean it up and my form to speak with the Sheriff. After 18 hours in a holding cell I was taken back to the main jail. Later the next day I was released.
One, and I have many, complaint I have today is when I look at the police report, the report was done in first person format. Meaning the officer that wrote it said “I talked to and I did this and I did that” Well in the police report Officer Hamlett said that he talked to the nurses and that is not true he never left my side except to find out who ran down the hall. Officer Riggle was the one that talked to the nurses and he is the one that got all the information. So Officer Hamlett never mentions Riggle in the report at all. Now Bob Godley is important because he used to be a County Sheriff who was fired when the new Sheriff took over, because of what I found out about Godley’s employment history. Bob Godley and Officer Riggle worked together at the Sheriff’s Office and at the City of St. Marys, they are good friends. When Godley was fired he worked for a police dept. in Folkston and worked directly with the deputy that showed up on the scene.
Godley also posted a thread on Topix Kingsland less than an hour after my arrest, and then months later after I said that would be used in court, he paid Topix to have his posts removed. But I have most of them, and Topix will provide the rest. In these posts he talked about getting me arrested, and saying he told me he would do. Another posts states “there is a new sheriff in town and he started before 2012.”
Rick Rogers
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
"Widest wealth gap between US whites, minorities."
Will lib's plan to redistribute wealth solve this problem? I think -no, I KNOW - not.
http://www.taiwannews.com.tw/etn/news_content.php?id=1663005
http://www.taiwannews.com.tw/etn/news_content.php?id=1663005
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Sunday Funnies; Volume 177.
Humorous Quotations
To bookmark this page, you may use the following URL:
http://smiley963.tripod.com/humorous.html
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***NEW*** 12/01/02
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner."
---Ben Bergor
07/12/02
"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."
---Garry Trudeau
03/09/02
"Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it."
---Salvador Dali
03/09/02
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
---Jim Morrison
03/09/02
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
---Gilda Radner
03/09/02
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
---Unknown
11/30/01
"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
---Neva Faith Linn
11/30/01
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
---Unknown
07/31/01
"Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life."
---Loelia, Duchess of Westminster
07/31/01
"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"
---Brad Ramsey
06/29/01
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
---Mae West
06/29/01
"I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited."
---Oscar Wilde
06/29/01
"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."
---Groucho Marx
06/29/01
"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"
---Unknown
05/31/01
"Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming."
---Amy Bennett
05/31/01
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde
05/31/01
"A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling."
---Stephen Fry
05/31/01
"A hard man is good to find."
---Mae West
05/31/01
"Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot."
---Dick Gregory
04/30/01
"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."
---H.L. Mencken
04/30/01
"I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things."
---Alan Coren
04/30/01
"I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror."
---Flann O'Brien
04/30/01
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
---Groucho Marx
04/30/01
"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not."
---H.L. Mencken
04/30/01
"The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together,/ That keep marriage in tact."
---Stephen Sondheim
03/30/01
"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy."
---Unknown
03/30/01
"Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol."
---Unknown
03/30/01
"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."
---Compton Mackenzie
03/30/01
"I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect."
---Harvey Fierstein
03/30/01
"He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
---Neil Simon
03/30/01
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
---Dean Martin
03/30/01
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
---Fran Lebowitz
To bookmark this page, you may use the following URL:
http://smiley963.tripod.com/humorous.html
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
***NEW*** 12/01/02
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner."
---Ben Bergor
07/12/02
"Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated."
---Garry Trudeau
03/09/02
"Have no fear of perfection--you'll never reach it."
---Salvador Dali
03/09/02
"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments."
---Jim Morrison
03/09/02
"I'd much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships."
---Gilda Radner
03/09/02
"Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you'll be disconnected."
---Unknown
11/30/01
"People like you are the reason people like me take pills!"
---Neva Faith Linn
11/30/01
"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'"
---Unknown
07/31/01
"Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life."
---Loelia, Duchess of Westminster
07/31/01
"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"
---Brad Ramsey
06/29/01
"Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
---Mae West
06/29/01
"I don't at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited."
---Oscar Wilde
06/29/01
"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls."
---Groucho Marx
06/29/01
"Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!"
---Unknown
05/31/01
"Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming."
---Amy Bennett
05/31/01
"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."
---Oscar Wilde
05/31/01
"A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors. Rather chilling."
---Stephen Fry
05/31/01
"A hard man is good to find."
---Mae West
05/31/01
"Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot."
---Dick Gregory
04/30/01
"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married."
---H.L. Mencken
04/30/01
"I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things."
---Alan Coren
04/30/01
"I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror."
---Flann O'Brien
04/30/01
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
---Groucho Marx
04/30/01
"No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not."
---H.L. Mencken
04/30/01
"The concerts you enjoy together/ Neighbors you annoy together/ Children you destroy together,/ That keep marriage in tact."
---Stephen Sondheim
03/30/01
"The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy."
---Unknown
03/30/01
"Reality is a hallucination brought on by lack of alcohol."
---Unknown
03/30/01
"Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast."
---Compton Mackenzie
03/30/01
"I guess a drag queen's like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect."
---Harvey Fierstein
03/30/01
"He's too nervous to kill himself. He wears his seat belt in a drive-in movie."
---Neil Simon
03/30/01
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
---Dean Martin
03/30/01
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."
---Fran Lebowitz
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Sunday Funnies; Volume 176.
The Ultimate College Application Essay
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an essay written by Hugh Gallagher when applying to New York University. He graduated from NYU in May 1994. In 1995, this essay was reprinted in The Guardian.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realised, that have helped to define you as a person?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello...I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang-gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire, I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail...Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal force demonstration...My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is an essay written by Hugh Gallagher when applying to New York University. He graduated from NYU in May 1994. In 1995, this essay was reprinted in The Guardian.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Are there any significant experiences you have had, or accomplishments you have realised, that have helped to define you as a person?
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and god-like trombone playing. I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in 20 minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello...I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang-gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire, I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail...Last summer I toured New Jersey with a travelling centrifugal force demonstration...My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago, I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet gone to college.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Sunday Funnies; Volume 175.
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive) you."
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to the gate."
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive) you."
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly. Although the flight was canceled and people were late, they were no longer angry at United.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Thousands of teaching jobs to come open in Atlanta.
http://www.ajc.com/news/investigation-into-aps-cheating-1001375.html
"Superintendent Beverly Hall and her top aides ignored, buried, destroyed or altered complaints about misconduct, claimed ignorance of wrongdoing and accused naysayers of failing to believe in poor children’s ability to learn."
A classic cop out appealing to white liberal guilt.
"Superintendent Beverly Hall and her top aides ignored, buried, destroyed or altered complaints about misconduct, claimed ignorance of wrongdoing and accused naysayers of failing to believe in poor children’s ability to learn."
A classic cop out appealing to white liberal guilt.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I'll be picking up my Para P-13 .45's little brother next week! Sweet!
http://www.ableammo.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=83466
I'll be loading up the three mags with:
http://www.ableammo.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=75083
Junior is a tad small for +P rounds.
I'll be loading up the three mags with:
http://www.ableammo.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=75083
Junior is a tad small for +P rounds.
Sunday Funnies; Volume 174
A cowboy from Texas attended a social function where Barack Obama was trying to gather support for his Health Plan. When Obama discovered the cowboy was from President Bush's home area, he started to belittle him by talking in a southern drawl and single syllable words.
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.
But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks,
"Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies, though. "
(Thanks, D!)
As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy says, "Y'all havin' some problem with them circle flies?"
Obama stopped talking and said, "Well, yes, if that's what they're called, but I've never heard of circle flies."
"Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse."
"Oh," Obama replies as he goes back to rambling.
But, a moment later he stops and bluntly asks,
"Are you calling me a horse's ass?"
"No, sir," the cowboy replies, "I have too much respect for the citizens of this country to call their president a horse's ass."
"That's a good thing," Obama responds and begins rambling on once more.
After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says,
"Hard to fool them flies, though. "
(Thanks, D!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
