Sunday, October 31, 2010

Sunday Funnies; Volume 139.

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth . One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barak Obama for


Worried About My Reputation

Friday, October 29, 2010

Reportedly, Camden County inmate hanged herself to death yesterday.

From a heretofore reliable source comes word this afternoon that a female inmate in the Camden County jail "successfully" hanged herself to death yesterday in spite of being on suicide watch.

My source says that the female inmate was arrested just Wednesday on charges of some sort of sexual impropriety with a minor or minors.

Sometime yesterday, she found time that she was unobserved to tear her sheet into strips and hang herself. Apparently, she was dead when she was discovered.


Still think all of my sources are "full of it," jerk?

Interesting new info on the pot house cases - or non-cases.

It turns out that, according to an informant I trust, the person who was writing the checks to pay the rent on Gary Blount's rental property-turned- pot- house allegedly actually resides in the Stan Smith residence on the Satilla River. Gary Blount, the beneficiary of the checks, is, reportedly, this person's accountant yet ostensibly had no idea that was going on.

Stan, I'm told, has another place on the water. He reportedly has a second place in Steinhatchee, Florida which fronts onto the Gulf of Mexico. On that property, Stan allegedly has his own private airstrip which allows for quick flights to and from the Gulf coast (and beyond if need be) out of the St. Marys Airport in his private plane. Steinhatchee is in the "armpit" of Florida, if the panhandle is the "arm." It's not a long flight.

Now, check out the location of the property, relative to the Gulf, on the little map on the left-hand border of this next page. You can come in low over the Gulf, and land on your own strip without flying over any of your nosy neighbors.


You're welcome, chief.

Update: I've checked the undated aerial view of the parcel owned by Mary O. (Mrs. Stan) Smith in Steinhatchee. I see no airstrip nor room for one. However, Steinhatchee does have a dinky airport like ours.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh, yeah. City council meeting tonight at 6:00

Ho, hum. Sure to be another installment in Bob Nutter's long-running, extra-legal campaign for city council.


Sunday, October 24, 2010

Sunday Funnies; Volume 138

The Divorced Barbie Doll

One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Latest on pot houses.

Here's what I'm hearing now. No, I have no way of confirming this, but it was told to me face-to-face by a real person, known to me, and not some lying Topix vermin like "Bob."

Sometime subsequent to raiding Stan Smith's home on the Satilla, police have now discovered two more pot houses in Brunswick and one in Jacksonville. My source was given to understand that they are all tied to the two operations discovered in St. Marys.

When I asked if his source in law enforcement had said whether or not information found at Smith's residence had led to the discoveries in Brunswick and Jacksonville, he said no and that he had no knowledge that it had.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Sunday Funnies; Volume 137.

Railroad tracks.

The US standard railroad gauge
(distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.
That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built
by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

Why did 'they' use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts,
which everyone else had to match
for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.

Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.

Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)

Now, the twist to the story: When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah

The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important?

Ancient horse's asses control almost everything...

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Setting the record straight.

On October 13, in the GTU, Gordon Jackson, in reporting that the City of St. Marys had eliminated the appeals process for fired employees, noted that Councilwoman Hase had stated in session that Kingsland had no appeals process for fired employees.

Gordon promptly called Kingsland City Manager, Gwen Mungin.

Based upon his interview with Gwenn, he wrote this:

"Hase also said Kingsland does not have an appeals policy. But in a phone interview Tuesday, Kingsland City Manager Gwen Mungin disagreed.

Mungin, who is also Kingsland's appeals officer, said fired employees are allowed to bring documents, witnesses and a lawyer to their hearings."

Now, while what Gordon wrote is the truth, it is far from the whole truth that is germane to the issue at hand.

Here are the FULL facts.

Kingsland employees may appeal any disciplinary action up to and including a suspension without pay.

However, once they are terminated for cause, they do, in fact, have no further avenue of appeal, just as Councilman Hase said.

Suit yourself. Call Gwenn and ask her.

Brinko wins unemployment compensation dispute with city.

After a raid on his office, SMPD says Blount "definitively excluded " as a suspect.

Blount further maintains that Stan Smith is totally innocent as well.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Sunday Funnies; Volume 136

Note: This one comes from Australia.


Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.


Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.


A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.


The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.


An office filled with cubicles.


When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)


An excellent phrase for an overweight person.


A deeply unattractive person..


One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.


The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.


That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (e.g. You've hit 'reply all').


A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.


The contents of a Wonderbra, I.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the outside but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.


A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!'.


The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.


Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.


Tattoo on a female.


A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

New poll.

Scroll to the bottom of the page to see the poll on resuming county special elections.

Federal sentencing guidelines for commercial pot growers.

In United States v. Booker (2005), a Supreme Court decision from January 2005, the court ruled that the federal sentencing guidelines (as outlined above) are advisory and no longer mandatory. However, many federal judges continue to give great deference to the guidelines.

In addition to the sentencing guidelines, there are statutory mandatory minimum sentences, which remain in effect after United States v. Booker and primarily target offenses involving large amounts of marijuana. There is a five-year mandatory minimum for cultivation of 100 plants or possession of 100kgs, and there is a ten-year mandatory minimum for these offenses if the defendant has a prior felony drug conviction. Cultivation or possession of 1000kg or 1000 plants triggers a ten-year mandatory minimum, with a twenty-year mandatory sentence if the defendant has one prior felony drug conviction, and a life sentence with two prior felony drug convictions. To avoid a five-year mandatory minimum, it is advisable to stay well below 100 plants, including any rooted cuttings or clones.

Friday, October 8, 2010

SMPD / GBI raid Stan Smith's 27 acre "farm" on the Satilla.

Of course, they just wanted to go on a nice fall field trip and perhaps pick some pumpkins. I mean, after all, there are no suspects.

In today's edition of the Tribune and Georgian, which broke the story, Chief Hatch had this to say:

While investigators
are moving forward
on the case with a list of
individuals to be questioned,
Hatch said, there are still interviews
to be conducted.

“Not everyone named in
the case has been contacted.

The amount of attention it
has gotten has made it very
difficult to conduct a sound
investigation,” he said.
I, for one, am curious as to how and why that is the case. Perhaps once the coming arrests have been made, the T&G might get the chief to explain that assertion retroactively.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Regular CCBOC meeting, Tuesday,10/5 at 6:00 PM.

Animal contol ordinance work session at 5:30.

Agenda and packet:

Who will the four commissioners anoint to replace Blount on the CCBOC?

If there comes a point in time when Commissioner-elect Blount can no longer legally serve the balance of his term as county commissioner from District 4, does anyone have any idea who the other four might anoint for the position? Has anyone heard any names bandied about? Anyone have any SERIOUS suggestions?

For those who don't know, thanks to a clever and unheralded move by former commissioner Steve Berry, we no longer do special elections at the county level. Ergo, we may soon see two of the five APPOINTED rather than elected. How do you like dem apples?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Pot bust has interesting connections.

This just in from an informant:

Earlier this week, the SMFD was called to a garage fire at the end of 4th street. That's the street that intersects with Spur 40 in front of Ace Hardware.

The cause of the fire was an electric generator in the garage that was hard wired to the house. When the occupants of the house would not grant entry to the house itself, suspicions were aroused.

A search warrant was served the next day. There was a major pot growing operation throughout all rooms of the house.

My informant tells me that there is still crime scene tape around the house and that the SMPD are over there this morning removing the plants.

Now, it turns out that in the course of that investigation, they were tipped off to another house with a virtually identical set up on Point Peter. That was raided also.

Just another pot bust? Hardly.

As the late Paul Harvey would say, here's the rest of the story.

The owner of the house on 4th Street is Stan Smith!

The owner of the house on Point Peter is Commissioner-elect Gary Blount!

Stay tuned!

11:46: Update: Although I thought it exceedingly unlikely, I was willing to allow for the possibility that Smith and Blount were completely unaware of the activities of renters.

But now comes this new information. Neighbors of the 4th street location have observed Stan Smith coming and going from the residence so many times that they were just on the verge of calling the city and complaining that there appeared to be some commercial enterprise going on there!

Now, get this. The SMPD was tipped to the existence of the operation at the Gary Blount-owned house by paperwork they located in the 4th Street house. Incredibly, AFTER the 4th Street house was busted, and while the cops were there, Gary Blount came by the 4th Street house and asked the cops for permission to enter the house to retrieve some "business papers." Permission was denied.

By the way, in addition to the pot, large amounts of cash were found in the houses.

Interestingly, under the law, neither I nor Royal Weaver can run in November as write-in candidates for District 4 county commissioner, but it would appear that someone damned sure needs to. It's a good thing I'm not the kind of guy to say I told you so.

Well, I just got back from the Secretary of State's web page. The question of who might run as a write in candidate is now a moot point. The deadline to register to run as a write-in candidate was in early September. Isn't that lovely!? Now, we may well see a commissioner phoning in his votes from a jail cell or we will see the other comissioners appoint yet another unelected commissioner for a full 4 year term!

By the way, any of you who voted for Blount who would like to help defray my campaign expenses may still send your contributions to:

Jay Moreno
501 Victoria's Circle
St. Marys, GA 31558

I note that Blount did not need to solicit any contributions as he was flush with cash. Oh, ye suckers! Certified Pot Agronomist?

Update: 1:33 PM. I am now told that the SMPD detectives are at this moment questioning Stan Smith.  Gary Blount remains at large -for the moment.

FLASH: 2:28: It is now being reported by someone calling himself "Bob" on Topix that Gary Blount was found, within the hour, dead, in his office, of an apparent suicide. I have no way of confirming this and it may well be a hoax. I certainly hope that it is. Stand by for further details.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm pleased to inform you that both of the immediately preceding paragraphs in red are NOT TRUE, but were the result of a cruel hoax played by one of the viscious asses on Topix whose irratonal hatred of me overroad his last vestige of human decency. The scum is now boasting of his "cleverness."

So far as I know, Stan Smith has not been questioned and Gary Blount is very much alive.

However, all other info in this post comes from two very reliable sources who are well known to me. Stay tuned.

Update @ 5:23 PM. This just in from an impeccable source I've known for years.  Guess who Stan Smith and Gary Blount had a long lunch with at Ops just this past Thursday. Why, Mr. and Mrs. Commissioner Jimmy Starline. Schmoosing Cecily Hill on Tueday and Starline on Thursday. Busy, busy. I wonder what lawyer they'll have lunch with Monday?  Will bologna be on the menu?

Sunday,10/3 @ 8:41 AM.

No "identified suspects" is hardly the same as "no suspects." What your take, "Bob?"

Monday, 10/4 @ 2:50 PM. I've had an FOIR in with the St. Marys City Clerk since 9:30 this morning. I've reqested the names of the responsible parties for the city water service to the two pot houses. No response yet. I just backed up this morning's telephonic request with an e-mailed request and copied the mayor and council, the city manager, and Chief Hatch. The clock is ticking. 

FLASH: 2:58. I just got off of the phone with Chief Hatch. He has in fact asked the city to sit on that info and has asked me to do the same insofar as divulging it at this point in the investigation could "create a dangerous situation." Interesting. I agreed.

Tuesday, 10/5: Remarkably, the e-edition of this morning's GTU contains no mention of this story.

There is a new entry on Topix which appears to have been written by an intelligent and honest person -a Topix rarity- which seems to be consistent with what I would suspect would be the facts if Smith and Blount are indeed involved. Judge for yourself:

Wednesday, 10/6, @9:22AM

From today's T&G:

"Online property records for the home on Fourth Street do not correspond with the house number on
the mailbox. According to the county’s Geographic Information Systems website the house numbered
200 Fourth St. is shownonline as 116 Fourth St. The record card for 116 Fourth St. shows that the
home was purchased in February by PSS Residential Rental Partnerships LLLP.
Records found on the Georgia Secretary of State’s website list the rental company’s office as
6858 Old Jefferson Highway in Woodbine. The county’s property record card for that address
shows it is owned by Mary O. Smith."

For those who may not know, Mary O. Smith is Stan Smith's wife. Putting everything in her name is a long standing practice for Stan. I wonder if the police have now checked ALL properties owned by Smith and Blount? If not, why not?