Friday, August 17, 2012

Another case for the "Oh but MY pitbull would NEVER do THAT!" files.

http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/08/17/13334356-chicago-man-mauled-to-death-by-his-own-pit-bull

Friday, March 23, 2012

Picking off the Taliban

video
These videos were shot through the spotter scopes of spotters for Canadian snipers using .50 caliber sniper rifles in Afghanistan. Some of the shots were at nearly 1.5 miles. All of the obliterated enemies were Taliban snipers in positions to snipe at NATO forces.

Enjoy

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sunday Funnies; Volume 208

Nice try!







The IRS sent my Tax forms back! AGAIN!!! I guess it was because

of my response to the question : "List all dependents?" I replied –

"12 million illegal immigrants;"3 million crack heads;"42 million

unemployable people on food stamps,"2 million people in over 243 prisons;

"Half of Mexico; and "535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate."



Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.




Thanks, D.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Sunday Funnies; Volume 207

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED

Men Are Just Happier People


What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$87.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

___________________________________



Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate, and Sarah. If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wildman


EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.



BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.


DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing FOREVER!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Sunday Funnies; Volume 205

It's true!

The unrepentant, disgraced, Bill Smith is actually running again for sheriff!

Now THAT'S funny!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

It's chili season again! Time for Jay's Killer Black Bean Chili!

http://camdencommentary.blogspot.com/2008/12/jays-killer-balck-bean-chili.html


I took a little over a gallon of it to the campaign kickoff event for Robbie Morgan for probate judge earlier today. I thought it would go well with the hot dogs he was serving.

Indeed it did. When I left, there was barely a pint left in my 5 quart slow cooker.

I got many compliments on how good it was. Charlie Smith rated it, and I quote, "five star."

Try it: you'll love it!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sunday Funnies; Volume 203.

Louisiana Ghost Story (true story)

This happened about 6 months ago on Louisiana Hwy 57, just outside of Dulac, a little town in the bayou country of Louisiana, and while it soundslike an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real.*



*An Ohio businessman, Saul Rubins, abandoned his disabled vehicle on the side of the road, and attempted to hitch hike. The night was pitch dark in the middle of a thunderstorm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly, through the sheets of rain, he saw a car moving slowly,
approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped. Desperately needing a ride, Saul jumped in the car and closed the door. Only then did he realize that there was no one behind the wheel and no sound of an engine to be heard over the rain.

Again the car crept silently forward and Saul was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. He saw that the car was approaching a sharp curve and, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and beg for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the bayou and he would then drown!

But just before the curve, a shadowy hand appeared at the driver's window, reached in and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Then, just as silently, the hand disappeared through the window andSaul was alone again.

Paralyzed with fear, Saul watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally, scared nearly to death, Saul had all he could take, jumped out of the car, and ran to town.

Wet and in shock, he went into Schmoopy's. Voice quavering, he ordered two cups of coffee, black, and then told everybody about his supernatural experience. The room became silent and everybody got goose bumps when they realized Saul was telling the truth and was not just some drunk.

About 30 minutes later two Cajuns, dripping wet, walked into Schmoopy's and one says to the other, "Look, Boudreaux, ders dat idiot what rode in our car when we wuz pushin' it in da rain!!!"

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Sunday Funnies; Volume 202.

Elderly gentleman...


Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that
you can hear again.'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!'



An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to
a new restaurant and it was really great. . . I would recommend it very
highly.'

The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?'

The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of
that flower you give to someone you love?

You know... The one that's red and has thorns.'

'Do you mean a rose?'

'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the
kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to
last night?'




Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase
at his feet, who insisted he d idn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to
the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing
out of her hospital gown.'

Another tragic case from the "Oh, but MY pitbull would never do that!" files.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/01/15/texas-1-year-old-killed-by-familys-pit-bull/?test=latestnews

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Sunday Funnies; Volume 200!

An elderly farmer in Far North Queensland
had owned a large farm for many years. He had a
large dam in the back, fixed up nice --
picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some
tropical fruit trees. The dam was set up
for swimming with a diving jetty, when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down
there as he hadn't been for a while, and look it
over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back
some fruit.

As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and
laughing. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women
skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of
his presence and they all went into the deeper water.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch
you ladies swim naked or make you get outnaked."

Hold ing the bucket up he said, "I'm here to
feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men can still think fast