Sunday Funnies; Volume 180.

• Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Northam Show a spokesman said: We will struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”

• My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a wank. I said: Son, that`s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you`re banned from teaching altogether.”

• Question: Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said: I am not understanding the question please.”

• Prince William says he doesn`t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn’t give a toss, he is still going.

• The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can`t afford batteries!

• Today, in an opinion poll I was asked: If you could eliminate a race from the 2012 Olympics, which would it be?’Naturally I said Muslims. Apparently most people said the 10,000 metres!!

• Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of White-out. I woke up this morning with a huge correction.

• Some bastard just pinched a pair of my wife`s knickers off the washing line. Shes not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

• Some Japanese tourists just asked me to take a picture of them. When I said: “Wave”, they ran like the clappers!