Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hopefully, Camden's school system is doing the same.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-31/story/state-rules-favor-charlton-schools-appeal

No need to pack your inter-planetary bags just yet but some of your descendants might.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/OPINION/07/27/sasselov.earth.planets/index.html?hpt=C1

Tell 'em, Ann!

http://www.anncoulter.com/

Jim Stein asks for change in St. Marys appeals process.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-31/story/lawyer-asks-change-st-marys-appeals-process

You know, my first thought was good luck trying to find and unbiased "jury" in this case. Then it occurred to me that I still do not really know or understand what in the hell it is that Janet Brinko is supposed to have done and how it merited firing. Perhaps it is possible to empanel a new committee that can handle this fairly.
The pool should certainly not include any members of the DMA, Seagles regulars, or anyone who attended the late lynching posing as a regular CVB meeting.

Friday, July 30, 2010

Camden County Board of Commissioners regular meeting, Tuesday, August 3rd, at 6:00 PM.

Combined agenda and packet:

http://www.co.camden.ga.us/Archive.aspx?AMID=&Type=&ADID=705

For those who still do not believe that Monkey Toes, the Great Green Virago, is a homo Sapiens - hating nut case, read on.

http://likethedew.com/2010/02/06/your-southern-thoughts/

No wonder I'm a bit of a shock:
http://likethedew.com/2010/07/20/my-sister-my-self/
Libs in Never, Never Land. Where's that Emetrol?

On and on she goes:
http://likethedew.com/2010/07/11/and-so-it-goes/
She's jsut so damned wonderful!

Quite good, actually!
http://likethedew.com/2010/05/30/carrying-on-the-southern-literary-tradition/
What a shame that such a mind is hopelessly infected by Liberalism!

Oh, "eternal enigmas," are we!?

Alex Kearns


About the author: Alex writes for a variety of national and international publications. A relative newcomer to the United States, she co-founded her town's first environmental organization (The St. Marys EarthKeepers, Inc.). In turns bemused, confused, entranced, frustrated and delighted, she enjoys unravelling the eternal enigma that is the Deep South.

Hot enough for you?

At 3:03 PM today, my digital thermometer registered 107.4 degrees F in the shade! It stayed there for about three minutes then dropped back to 107.1. I can't remember a hotter day in the 17 years I've been here. You?

KPD installs solar panels in patrol cars.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-30/story/kingsland-patrol-cars-going-solar

This sounds like a good idea. Hopefully, after KPD has a few more months of experience, CCSO and SMPD will follow suit.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Camden County Republicans to hold a pre-runoff election candidates' forum.

This one will be at a different location: the PSA Rec Center, on Wildcat Drive, at 7:00 PM, on August 4th.

CORRECTION: IT WILL BE AT THE COUNTY ANNEX. 
Camden County Republican chairman Adam Jacobson tells me that Cecily Hill, Jason Spencer, and Katherine Niz is Zell have all RSVPed and will be there. He has not heard back from Mr. Clark, the stealth candidate.

The format for this one will be different from the ones we are used to. Here is the format, that Adam Jacobson e-mailed me:

GOP Runoff Forum Format



In order to keep things fresh, the format will be a little different for this forum.


The forum will begin with opening statements by the candidates. Each candidate will have 2 minutes for opening statements.


The first round of questions will come from the committee and will be aimed at ensuring that each candidate has an opportunity to answer a few questions. These questions will be fair and balanced (just like Foxnews) and responses will be limited to 1 minute. If a candidate would like to offer a rebuttal to another candidate’s response they will be allowed 1 minute to do so.


The second round will consist of questions from the audience that the moderator will select randomly, but aimed to ensure equal time to each candidate. The responses will be limited to 1 minute. If a candidate would like to offer a rebuttal, again, it will be limited to 1 minute.


The last round will consist of one question that the candidates will ask their opponent to answer. Their response is limited to 2 minutes and the rebuttal is limited to 1 minute. Questions are expected to be professional and relevant.


The forum will conclude after the last round with closing statements by the candidates. Each candidate will be allowed 2 minutes for closing statements.

While Adam was not at the WWC forum, I suspect from the provisions above that he heard what a disaster it was and why.










Getting close to nature - and vice versa!

I got back home an hour or so ago after a 5-hour session of  the Camden County "Citizens' Academy." It included a Lannie Brant-guided tour of the huge county landfill operation.

When I pull into my driveway and let my ramp down onto the dedicated concrete pad, there is about a foot of clearance between the rear edge of the ramp and a flower bed. As usual, I got off the lowered ramp, rolled about a yard towards the front door, then turned around to use my remote control to raise and stow the ramp and close the doors. It was while doing that that I spotted a large water moccasin resting int he shade of a shrub about 24 inches from where my ankles had just been.

My first instinct was to dispatch him with my .45, but immediately thought better of it. Only certified Camden G.O.B.s can do that and stay out of jail. My main concern was for children in the neighborhood and my fearless dog.

I call ed 911 and said that normally I would dispatch it myself but in a wheelchair, I was reluctant to take it on. They said that I needed to call animal control and gave me the number. Animal control does not do snakes, but called the SMPD for me. They arrived - 2 officers - about ten minutes later.The whole time, I was watching the snake in case it crawled to another location. It remained perfectly still.  My though was it sees me but is not ready to give up on relying on its camouflage just yet.

One of the officers, a Sgt., had a nice looking .22 magnum revolver in a case which I'm guessing he carries for just such events. He popped the snake in the head from about a foot away. The snake never moved. When the Sgt. grabbed it by the tail and moved it, there arose a horrible stench. It turns out the snake had been already deceased. Before having its head blown off, there was not a mark on it. I said "I wonder what the hell it died of?" One officer speculated that the heat may have killed it. It was only about 100 feet away from the retention pond behind my house. Has anyone ever heard of it getting so damned hot it kills snakes? I know that they are exothermic so clearly it could happen, but I wonder why the late snake in question did not simply take a cooling dip?

One officer was kind enough to get a shovel from my garage and remove the carcass to a nearby empty lot.
Thanks, SMPD.

I'm going to alert the neighbors when they all get home this afternoon. From now on, I'll check out the yard before I let Cojack out. There is no doubt in my mind he will go right for a snake.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

St. Marys Lions Club.

I remember reading in the T&G that there had been one stood up in St. Marys in June. Anyone know how membership is coming along and if they have any ideas for an annual even like the Kingsland chapter does with their oyster roast?  There must be some other local critter to be cooked.

What does the Woodbine chapter do, by the way? I'm pretty sure they sponsor something, but I can't remember what. I don't think it's the Crawfish Festival.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Express Scripts: "convenient?"

http://www.consumeraffairs.com/rx/express_scripts.html

Man, now I REALLY appreciate the excellent service I receive at Camden Pharmacy!

Perhaps Earth is not so unique after all.

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2010/07/25/nasas-deep-space-camera-locates-host-earths/?test=latestnews

Sunday Funnies; Volume 125

Bumper Stickers for Seniors

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.


2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.


3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.


4. People call at 9 PM and ask, did I wake you?


5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


7. Things you buy now won't wear out.


8. You can eat supper at 4 PM .


9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.


10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.


11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who
      walks into the room.


13. You sing along with elevator music.


14. Your eyes won't get much worse.


15 Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than
       the national weather service.


17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they
      can't remember them either.


18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


19. You can't remember who sent you this list.


And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.


Forward this to every one you can remember right now!


And Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night.

Friday, July 23, 2010

D.C. school system actually fires over 200 poorly performing teachers!

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/07/23/district.of.columbia.teachers.fired/index.html?hpt=T2

Another case from the "Oh, but MY pitbull would never do THAT!" files.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/07/23/dnt.ca.pit.bull.attack.kron?hpt=T2

District 4 race results by precinct.

Today's T&G is a must read. They devote a whole page to braking down the vote results by precinct.


In my race, District 4 county commissioner, there were a mere 1,002 votes cast. North St. Marys (Mary Lee Clark) accounted for 24% of those; South St. Marys (the Union Hall), 31%, and West St. Marys (the middle school, where Opsrey Cove votes), 44%.

The new political reality in St. Marys is that f you do not carry the majority of Osprey Cove votes, you can not win.

Question: Does anyone know how many registered voters actually live in Osprey Cove? Are their numbers higher than any other precinct or is their rate of voter participation higher, or both?

How did Blount fare?

At Mary Leee Clark, he got 42.97 % of the votes cast; at South St. Marys (Union Hall), 61.90%(the biggest surpise to me. By the way, that was the one precinct where I beat Weaver): and at West St. Marys (middel school / Osprey), 53.26%.

In absolute numbers, Blount got 104 votes from MLC; 195 votes from the Union Hall, and 237 votes from the middle school / Osprey Cove.

By the way, so much for that crap that I'm the darling of the Osprey Cove population. How absurd!

Here's some more data on the District 4 race.




Precinct:                  West (Osprey)      South (Union Hall)      North (MLC)
 % of votes cast:

Blount                           53.26                     61.90                     42.97



Moreno                        19.77                      19.36                     24.38



Weaver                         26.96                     18.73                      32.64

I find the Union Hall numbers to be the most surprising. No surprise that Weaver did best at MLC. Heavy on Navy retirees.

Oh, by the way, here's a factoid about early voting. The registrars office in Woodbine was open for early voting for about a month prior to election day. The Union Hall was open for the week before the election from 8:00 to 5:00, M-F. Total early votes in the District 4 race: 127, or 12.67 % of the 1,002 total votes
cast.

Goody's to re-open in St.Marys.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-23/story/goody%E2%80%99s-reopening-st-marys

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

New artificial reef established off Little Cumberland Island.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-20/story/new-fish-habitat-little-cumberland-island

I wonder what the green eco-weenie take on this is?

Burglar has a bad day.

http://savannahnow.com/latest-news/2010-07-20/savannah-chatham-officer-2009-bridge-run-winner-chases-down-alleged-crook

Thank you.

My sincere thanks to the 224 voters who responded to my campaign and ignored the BIG LIE told twice by Gary Blount.



Congratulations to Royal Weaver for a very vigorous campaign.


If I ever run again, it will only be if I get some prior indication of some support and encouragement to do so. I remain ready and willing.


I will continue to observe and comment upon local governance

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Rejoice, Oh Ye Camden developers and Realtors,

for verily, Gary Blount is your next District 4 County Commissioner! I say unto you that as sure as he lied in his campaign letters, that effective the 1st of July of 2011, there will be no more county impact fees - and  verily,  that will just be for starters!

When I left the probate court chamber about 9:05 PM, all of the votes were on the tot board except for 60 absentee ballots. The only race those 60 could have changes the outcome of was between Ligon and Carter who were less than 1 percentage point apart.

In District 4, when I left, there were 1,072 votes on the board.Blount had 53.52%; Weaver had 26.40, and I had 19.68.

There were lessons to be learned.

The lesson I learned is that no matter how intelligent, well educated, and well qualified you are, unless you are also a social gadfly, you can not win.

The lesson Weaver should learn is that no matter how big a social gadfly you are, if it is obvious to the voters that your academic and experiential qualifications for the post are grossly deficient, you can not win.

The lesson Blount learned was that if you are both academically and experientially prepared,  are willing to publish outright lies about your opponents, and can hide your actual record of performance in an elected position from enough of the voters, and appeal to the greed of real estate developers and Realtors, you can win.

By the way, E.B. Herrin is finished with about 25% of the vote. Zell and Clark more or less split the remainder, with Zell ahead by about 2 points. Runoff. 

Howell is out. Hill and Spencer in the runoff. Hill ahead.

May, 2009 amendments to St.Marys CVB Act of 2003. See previous post for original act.

To enlarge, click once on image then again when it pops back up.

The original bill that created the St. Mary CVB back in 2003.

http://www.legis.ga.gov/legis/2003_04/search/hb839.htm

Monday, July 19, 2010

Title to Gilman/Durango mill site now back in the hands of the trustee.

PRESS RELEASE


July 16, 2010

For Immediate Release

Contact:

Bridge Associates, LLP

(813) 286-2700

Camden County

Joint Development Authority

(912) 729-7201

St. Marys Downtown

Development Authority

912-882-8111







Mill Site Granted

Back to Trustee



Tampa, Florida - July 16, 2010



Title to the former Durango paper mill site in St. Marys, Georgia was transferred back to the court appointed Trustee today as part of a court approved settlement agreement between the Trustee (Bridge Associates, LLP) and the former owner (The Landmar Group, Inc.). The transfer was in lieu of foreclosure after Landmar defaulted on a mortgage encumbering the property and subsequently filed bankruptcy. The property was transferred from North River, LLC (a Landmar controlled entity) to Old Weed and Ready Plantation, LLC (a Bridge Associates contolled entity). The transfer effectively resolves a legal entanglement that had placed the property in market limbo for over a year and the transaction brings this important parcel one step closer to redevelopment.



According to Mike Newsom, project manager with Bridge Associates, LLC, the court appointed Trustee, "we can now proceed with full authority to market and sell the Durango mill site property. There are many new opportunities that have come into being since the last time we sold this property, and we are looking forward to robust interest in this special plot of land. I would like to add that we are very appreciative of the support and marketing help we have received from the Camden County Joint Development Authority (the "JDA") and from the City of St. Marys."



According to David Keating, Executive Director of the Camden County Joint Development Authority, "the resolution of this legal matter clears the way for the property to get back on the market and sparks hope within the community that redevelopment may occur at some point soon. We sincerely appreciate the hard work and attention the Trustee has devoted to untangling the issues affecting the property so it can become productive once again."



Alyce Thornhill, Director of the City of St. Marys Downtown Development Authority stated, "getting the title settled is another necessary step to continue to move this project forward. This investment opportunity has the potential to transform our city and create much needed jobs and new business."



At +/- 720 acres, the former Durango paper mill site is one of the largest, privately owned, deep water, rail served sites remaining in Coastal Georgia that is also served by public utilities; including water, sewer, electricity and natural gas.

Brunswick city commission has courage to uphold lying police chief's firing.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-19/story/brunswick-city-commission-upholds-firing-police-chief

In case you missed it, here, once again, is my campaign letter of July 1st.

http://jayforfourforfourormore.blogspot.com/p/july-1st-campaign-letter.html

Sea Island sell 20,000 acres.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-19/story/sea-island-co-sells-20000-acres-dallas-company

Glynn County jail cost figures informative.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-18/story/brunswick-jail-vote-here-cost-county-still-unclear

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sunday Funnies; Volume 124.

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius..


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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."

--Mariah Carey

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign

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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"

--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

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"Half this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

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"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."

--Al Gore, Vice President

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"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."

-- Dan Quayle

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"

--Lee Iacocca

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,





"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

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"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."

--Keppel Enderbery

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"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

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Feeling smarter yet?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Close but no cigar for would-be independent District 4 candidate Rosemary Rillo.

She needed 226 verified signatures. She turned in a mere 255. It is fairly common knowledge among political sophisticates that you  should never stop collecting signatures until you have a number equal to at least 150% of what you need.

Per Judge Martin Gillette at 0907 HRS today, the official count of verified signatures was only 213 - 13 short of the required minimum. Close, but no cigar - or candidacy.

So, the winner of Tuesday's election or the possible runoff WILL be the next Camden County Commissioner for District 4.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Leftist green eco-weenies now using their ostensible concern for pronghorns' habitat to impede Border Patrol efforts to stop illegal immigration.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2010/07/14/endangered-animal-stalling-border-security-efforts-arizona/

If it's anti-U.S., you know the leftist, green eco-weenies will be all for it! Never fails.

The bitten dog yelps the loudest!

To enlarge, click on image once then click on it again when it pops up again.

Mr. Weaver is protesting my entirely accurate outing of his membership in the exlusive, invitation-only group of all males consisting of the long time, behind-the-scenes, political power brokers of old Camden County.

I am now convinced that he diefinitely DID NOT want his membership generally known. Moreover, he ill-advisedly sent this e-mail while his minder was at work. He will no doubt catch hell tonight.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

St. Marys City Council to consider changes to public comment rules.

As it stands now, there are two public comment opportunities at each city council meeting - one early on and the other towards the end after all votes have been taken.

Now, you have to state your name and address. They are considering requiring you to state your phone number as well. If you have a private number, I guess you will have a choice to make.

Now, you may speak for no more than five minutes and you may do so during both public comments opportunities. Under the proposed change, A, you would have to choose to speak at one or the other but not both. Moreover, speakers at the first opportunity would still get 5 minutes each but only 1 minute for speakers at the second opportunity.

I am opposed to all of these changes. It is fine like it is.

What do y'all think?

Sunday Funnies; Volume 123.

Yesterday I answered a knock on the door, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.


'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.'

'Go away!' I said. 'I haven't got any money!', 'I'm broke!' and
proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed wide open.. 'Don't be too hasty!' he said. 'Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.' And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto my hallway carpet.

'If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Sir, I will personally eat the remainder.'

I stepped back and said, 'Well I hope you've got a bloody good appetite, because they cut off my electricity this morning...

What part of 'broke' don't you understand?

Camden County Board of Commissioners meeting, Tuesday, 7/13, at 6:00 PM

Agenda and packet (combined):

http://www.co.camden.ga.us/Archive.aspx?AMID=&Type=&ADID=702

St. Marys City Council meeting, Monday at 6:00 P.M.

Agenda:

http://www.ci.st-marys.ga.us/agendas/2010/7%2012%2010%20City%20Council%20Amended%20Agenda.pdf

Council packet:

http://www.ci.st-marys.ga.us/council/2010/7.12.10%20City%20Council%20Meeting%20Packet.pdf

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Three no-shows at this morning's Republican candidates' forum for the county commission races.

In the District 4 race, Royal Weaver and I showed up. Gary Blount did not.

In the District 2 race, the incumbent, Nisi Zell showed up. Neither of her challengers, E.B. Herrin and What's-His Name Clark, showed up.

At the end of the forum, Adam Jacobson took the mic to assure the audience that he had personally contacted each of the three gentlemen three times about the forum.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Recent letter from Republican chairman to mayor and council of St.Marys.

My understanding is that the mayor and council each received a copy of this letter. I further understand that Mr. Jacobson did this on his own initiative wthout consultation or approval of the executive committee of the local Republican party - or at least not the entirety of the executive committee.

To enlarge, click on image then click on it again when it pops back up.
It would appear that Mr. Jacobson has failed to pick up on the fact that the self-styled "Backrow Buzzards" are individuals who are either planning on running in 2011 themselves or are agents of such persons or agents of airport issue fanatics acting at the behest of their two champions on the council.  At least one would hope that that is the case.

Why Royal Weaver will be the only District 4 candidate at Monday's Camden County Republican Womens' forum.

To enlarge, click on image once then again when it pops back up.


If you will go toWeaver's website, you will notice that he is an "associate member" of the CCRW. Looks like he and his campaign manager kicked this campaign off at least two years ago and maybe more. It looks like we have our first transgendered candidate in Camden County.

http://personalpages.tds.net/~royalgull/

Thursday, July 8, 2010

SSGNs engage in a little Tomahawk rattling in the Pacific.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/08599200237800

Riverview Hotel first to get solar-powered air conditioning.

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-07/story/historic-st-marys-hotel-going-green

I wish Gordon had specified whether these were traditional air conditioners simply powered by solar panels or some new AC technology as well. Anyone know?

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Glynn County hires new county administrator for $135,000 salary plus perks. Imagine that.

(New Glynn County Administrator Alan)  "Ours will receive a salary of $135,000, a $6,000 vehicle allowance, a $540 cell phone allowance and benefits equal to those enjoyed by other county employees. The county will also pay Ours a housing allowance of $1,200 a month for up to a year or until his house in Albany sells. The county will also pay moving expenses."

http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-07-06/story/glynn-county-hires-new-administrator

Monday, July 5, 2010

World's first swimming great ape.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/38013934#38013934

That's quite an accomplishment. In the wild, any ape in deep water invariably drowns.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Sunday Funnies; Volume 122

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.