Sunday Funnies; Volume 139.

Dear Abby,


I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV virus. My parents live in Fort Worth . One of my sisters lives in Pflugerville and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana. They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are prostitutes in Dallas.

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994. My other brother is currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in Longview . She is a part time "working girl".

All things considered, my problem is this. I love my fiancé and look forward to bringing her into the family. I certainly want to be totally open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who supports Barak Obama for
President?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation

Reportedly, Camden County inmate hanged herself to death yesterday.

From a heretofore reliable source comes word this afternoon that a female inmate in the Camden County jail "successfully" hanged herself to death yesterday in spite of being on suicide watch.

My source says that the female inmate was arrested just Wednesday on charges of some sort of sexual impropriety with a minor or minors.

Sometime yesterday, she found time that she was unobserved to tear her sheet into strips and hang herself. Apparently, she was dead when she was discovered.

Update: http://jacksonville.com/news/georgia/2010-10-30/story/woman-held-rape-molestation-charges-found-dead

Still think all of my sources are "full of it," jerk?

Interesting new info on the pot house cases - or non-cases.

It turns out that, according to an informant I trust, the person who was writing the checks to pay the rent on Gary Blount's rental property-turned- pot- house allegedly actually resides in the Stan Smith residence on the Satilla River. Gary Blount, the beneficiary of the checks, is, reportedly, this person's accountant yet ostensibly had no idea that was going on.

Stan, I'm told, has another place on the water. He reportedly has a second place in Steinhatchee, Florida which fronts onto the Gulf of Mexico. On that property, Stan allegedly has his own private airstrip which allows for quick flights to and from the Gulf coast (and beyond if need be) out of the St. Marys Airport in his private plane. Steinhatchee is in the "armpit" of Florida, if the panhandle is the "arm." It's not a long flight.

http://qpublic5.qpublic.net/fl_taylor_display.php?KEY=09811-023

Now, check out the location of the property, relative to the Gulf, on the little map on the left-hand border of this next page. You can come in low over the Gulf, and land on your own strip without flying over any of your nosy neighbors.

http://qpublic5.qpublic.net/fl_taylor.html?parcel=09811-023&extent=2324921+245524+2325061+246029&layers=parcels+lakes+roads


Interesting.

You're welcome, chief.

Update: I've checked the undated aerial view of the parcel owned by Mary O. (Mrs. Stan) Smith in Steinhatchee. I see no airstrip nor room for one. However, Steinhatchee does have a dinky airport like ours.

http://florida.airportbug.org/airport-4034.html

Another case - just down the road - from the "Oh, but MY pitbull would never do that!" files.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/10/26/florida.infant.killed/index.html?hpt=T2

Oh, yeah. City council meeting tonight at 6:00

Ho, hum. Sure to be another installment in Bob Nutter's long-running, extra-legal campaign for city council.

Agenda:

http://www.ci.st-marys.ga.us/agendas/2010/10%2025%2010%20City%20Council%20Meeting%20Agenda.pdf

Sunday Funnies; Volume 138

The Divorced Barbie Doll


One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

Latest on pot houses.

Here's what I'm hearing now. No, I have no way of confirming this, but it was told to me face-to-face by a real person, known to me, and not some lying Topix vermin like "Bob."

Sometime subsequent to raiding Stan Smith's home on the Satilla, police have now discovered two more pot houses in Brunswick and one in Jacksonville. My source was given to understand that they are all tied to the two operations discovered in St. Marys.

When I asked if his source in law enforcement had said whether or not information found at Smith's residence had led to the discoveries in Brunswick and Jacksonville, he said no and that he had no knowledge that it had.