Another battle lost in the mole war.

A mole or moles invaded my front lawn a while back.  About two or three weekends ago, I bought some mole bait from Lowes. This was some stuff that looked like rabbit pellets. It came in a cone- shaped container. The idea was that you would use the point of the container to poke a hole into the critter's tunnels every few feet and deposit a few of the poison-laden baits. As I was headed to the cash register with it, another customer stopped me and warned that he had tried it last year with negative results.  I shrugged my shoulders and said, "What the hell - for five bucks I'll give it a try." He was right: zero effect.

Last weekend, I came across a new product in Lowe's. This was a box with six earthworm-shaped baits. It just so happened that only days before, I had read a glowing report about this product on line. The review said it was "pricey, but worth it." So, I paid my $20.00 for six worms and installed them as directed. I just looked out my window to see that a week later, the little bastard's tunnel complex has grown considerably. So much for poisoned worms.

Now, there is always the spring loaded trap for $18.00. However, if I put it out on the front lawn someone will steal it or worse, a kid or a loose neighborhood pet will impale his foot or muzzle in it.

I've got a great idea for a new product. It originated from a guy who told me that he solved a similar problem by stabbing a pitchfork into the entire length of a mole tunnel. Picture a long wooden handle like you might find on a hoe. Now, at the business end picture a long, U-shaped yoke. Near the open end of the yoke, an axle passes through it. The axle secures a wheel with a series of radial steel tines, like the times on a pitchfork. The tines are long and sharp enough so that with a light downward pressure, the operator can roll the tines along the entire length of  the little bastard's tunnel, promptly dispatching him.

If someone would be so kind as to whip one of those up and come take this little iron-gutted bastard out, I'll gladly sign over the rights for the promise of one of your first production models for free.